Paris Bracket

#1 Seed: 17th Century AD (Bye)

Coach: Louis XIV
(s) William Shakespeare
(s) John Milton
(s) Rene Descartes
(s) Blaise Pascal
(s) Thomas Hobbes
Baruch Spinoza
Jean Racine
John Locke
John Donne

One of the deepest, most balanced teams in the tournament. Shakespeare and Milton can score in bunches, Descartes is a game-changer on the glass, and the starting five rounds out with two versatile players in Hobbes and Pascal. And few teams can bring the likes of Racine and Spinoza off the bench. With a coach like Louis XIV (and, of course, his dazzling wardrobe), this squad is certainly a favorite to win it all.

#4 Seed 2nd Century AD (vs #5)

Coach: Marcus Aurelius
(s) Juvenal
(s) Marcus Aurelius
(s) Irenaeus
(s) Plutarch
(s) Tacitus
Justin Martyr
Suetonius
Lucian
Aulus Gellius

This team is a reflection of its player-coach Marcus Aurelius: they don’t have many flashy athletes, but they play persistent defense and efficient offense. Tacitus is a player who can dominate the game (although he’s been known to let the refs get in his head), and Juvenal has been hitting big time shots all season. If they play their game, this team is a tough out for any opponent.

#5 Seed 12th Century AD (vs #4)

Coach: Henry II
(s) Bernard of Clairvaux
(s) Chretien de Troyes
(s) Maimonides
(s) Peter Lombard
(s) Peter Abelard
Averroes
Anselm of Leon
Hugh of St. Victor
Richard of St. Victor

Here is a very strong program that has a very well rounded group of players, led by Maimonides and Peter Lombard on the inside and Bernard of Clairvaux on the wing. Although these three can match talent with anyone, non-basketball issues have troubled this team all season. First there was coach Henry II’s public falling out with team chaplain Thomas Beckett, then the tournament eligibility of Maimonides and especially sixth-man Averroes was questioned, and, finally, defensive stopper Peter Abelard has been beset by a host of personal issues. If they can manage somehow to set aside all their off-the-court distractions, this team could be an upset special.

#3 Seed: 20th Century AD (vs #6)

Coach: Winston Churchill
(s) T.S. Eliot
(s) James Joyce
(s) Ludwig Wittgenstein
(s) Sigmund Freud
(s) Michel Foucault
J.R.R Tolkien
Martin Heidegger
Karl Barth
Hans Urs von Balthasar

This 20th Century team is nothing if not exciting and talented. Led by player of the year candidate Sigmund Freud, shot-blocker extraordinaire Ludwig Wittgenstein (he has not been dunked on all season), and unorthodox scoring machine James Joyce, many see this team as a dark horse to win it all. With more come-from-behind victories than any other team this year, players credit the inspiring halftime speeches of head coach Winston Churchill. Keep this team on your radar, and don’t be surprised if they make some serious noise.

#6 Seed: 7th-8th Centuries AD (vs #3)

Coach: Charles Martel
(s) Alcuin of York
(s) John Damascene
(s) Isidore of Seville
(s) Maximus Confessor
(s) The Venerable Bede
Beatus of Liebana
Paul the Deacon
St. Cuthbert
Augustine Eriugena

This combined team has had an up and down season. Some blame the poor recruiting of head coach Charles Martel, who has lost many top recruits to his former assistant Charlemagne, but the truth is Coach Martel’s fiery personality is the best thing this team has going for it. A late-season run and some quality play from Bede and Maximus Confessor has put them in the tournament field but this is a team from a weak conference that will have to play way over its head to have a shot at beating anyone.

#2 Seed: 4th Century BC (Bye)

Coach: Alexander the Great
(s) Menander
(s) Demosthenes
(s) Aristotle
(s) Plato
(s) Xenophon
Isocrates
Theophrastus
Xenocrates
Diogenes the Cynic

No team has a 1-2 punch quite like Plato and Aristotle, and their disparate styles make them all the harder to match up with; add a scoring machine like Demosthenes (and his propensity for working the refs) and you’ve got the core of a champion. Unfortunately the bench is short for this team. If their superstars avoid foul trouble, this team has a good chance of delivering a title to their young but talented head coach.