Shakespeare, 17th Century Prevail

Rome--After several months of delay as both teams’ head coaches campaigned in the Low Countries, the championship game of the Madness and Civilization tournament finally took place in dramatic fashion as the 17th Century took the trophy in an 81-78 nail-biter over the 14th Century.

“Our revels now are ended,” said an exhaustedly jubilant Shakespeare as he came up to the press conference podium some time after the game, cakes in one hand, ale in the other, and the tournament MVP trophy casually held under his arm.

Taking up where he left off in his thrilling semi-final performance a year ago to the day, the Bard continued his magnificent play, scoring 20 of his 26 points in the first half with an impressive barrage of three-pointers. The 14th Century had no answer and trailed 53-42 going into the break. Blaise Pascal also contributed to the 17th Century’s hot shooting, scoring 14 in the first half.

“We like to run the triangle sometimes with Pascal out there,” said head coach Louis XIV. “For the first half it was really rolling.”

Yet his hot shooting would not prove the highlight of the night for the devout Frenchman. With 57 seconds remaining, the 17th century holding a precarious 76-74 lead, and the ball in his hands, the author of the Pensees found himself forced to go the rim as the shot clock expired. Taking some contact from 14th Century center William of Occam, the polymath threw up what looked like a wild shot, barely grazing the backboard—but a late whistle bailed him out.

“I couldn’t be sure whether the ref would call it or not, so I just played like he would. I had nothing to lose,” he said after the game. Pascal went 2 for 2 from the line, extending his team’s lead to two possessions with less than a minute remaining.

Up until that moment the wellsprings of the Renaissance appeared poised to complete one of the greatest comebacks in tournament history. The 17th Century’s 11 point halftime lead climbed to 15 on Thomas Hobbes’ ferocious dunk over an embarrassed Marsilius of Padua, as the Louis Quatorze squad took a 60-45 advantage with 14:30 remaining.

“That s*** was nasty, brutish, and short,” commented Spinoza after the game. “No pity there, just like it should be.”

A quick timeout from the Black Prince, however, and the 14th Century uncorked a dominating 21-6 run, spearheaded by a number of aggressive drives to basket from Geoffrey Chaucer, and tied the game at 66 with 5 minutes remaining.

“The furies cleped I and off I went,” said the lodestar of our tongue, who finished with 16 points, 10 of them in the second half. “Yet proved in the end a sorwful instrument.”

The 14th Century could never take the lead, but kept it a one-possession game until Pascal’s free throws made it 78-74. Dante Alighieri, who had been the answer all tournament, had a clean look from three to tie the game as time expired, but his high-arcing shot rimmed out. The Florentine collapsed to his knees weeping, while a veiled woman seated behind the 14th Century bench upbraided him with words of harsh pity for not keeping his mind on things divine.

Players of the Game
17th Century—William Shakespeare, 26 points, 7 assists, 3 steals
14th Century—Dante Alighieri, 19 points, 11 rebounds, 5 assists

All-Tournament Team

William Shakespeare, 17th Century (MVP)
24.3 points, 3.5 rebounds, 7.3 assists

Publius Vergilius Maro, 1st Century BC
14.3 points, 4.0 rebounds, 6.3 assists

Dante Alighieri, 14th Century
24.8 points, 7.8 rebounds, 4.2 assists

Marcus Tullius Cicero, 1st Century BC
21.3 points, 11.6 rebounds, 4.6 assists

William of Occam, 14th Century
12.0 points, 13.4 rebounds, 2.5 blocks