Constantine Rallies Fathers Against 1st Century

Despite a 10 point halftime deficit, the 4th century AD vanquished the 1st century 75-73 behind a strong second half from The Three Holy Hierarchs.

The first few minutes of the game were dominated by Philo Judaeus, however, as he routinely beat St. Ambrose off the dribble, driving to the rim for three easy lay-ups. Head coach Constantine was eventually forced to pull Ambrose for almost the entire game, replacing him with Gregory of Nyssa. The Cappadocian not only stifled Philo for the rest of the game, but also led the team in scoring with 15 points.

“I had spent the last few days watching film on how Origen had succeeded in overcoming Philo during the regular season, and I simply copied some of the moves that worked for him,” said the younger Gregory.

Strong shooting from Seneca to close out the first half gave the 1st century a 39-29 lead at the break. During this run from the Romans, Constantine seemed to be in another world, not even watching the game let alone actively coaching. During halftime, however, the Christian Emperor gave a rousing speech calling for a complete transformation of the team’s performance for the second half. This speech struck a chord especially with Gregory Nazianzus and Basil the Great who together seemed incapable of missing as they combined for 27 points in the second half.

The 1st century held on to the end, however, maintaining a lead until there were only four minutes left. Josephus came off the bench and infused his team with a new energy, providing some fast break points, while the team of theologians seemed to have no answer for the offense of Lucan and Statius.

Nonetheless, John Chrysostom sent in a few clutch threes to give the 4th century the lead for good. “His shots were so perfect, the ball seemed more like a golden orb, a sign from heaven, leading our team to ultimate victory,” quipped Athanasius.

We shall see if this divine shooting can carry over against the juggernaut that is the 16th century.

Players of the Game
4th century AD: Gregory of Nyssa – 15 points, 4 steals.
1st century AD: Seneca – 18 points, 4 assists.